The Power of Dark Emotions
The wisdom of anger, depression, anxiety, and grief
Let’s talk about the holidays.
Holiday music is being piped into our favorite stores and we are determined to be merry, cheerful and thankful dammit. But many of us are dreading the holidays. If you’re looking forward to the season, awesome! I’m happy for you. Maybe don’t read any further. But for some of us, “It’s the most wonderful time of year” has turned into “It’s the time of year I wish I could sleep through…wake me up in May.”
Many of us are dreading the holidays because it reminds us of all the ways we are in pain. Maybe you’ve lost someone that could make you laugh until your sides hurt. Maybe you voted differently than your parents and now you have to decide who’s bringing the casserole. Maybe you don’t have anybody to call when you have a bad day, or there isn’t a home to go home to anymore. Whatever your pain, it reminds me of the famous Tolstoy quote, “Each happy family resembles each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious.” Carl Jung
Rather than deny it, what if we looked directly at the blinding darkness of it all? Carl Jung said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious.” Let’s set an empty chair at the table for unhappiness of all varieties. And let’s resist the urge to pretend we are okay when we are not. In a culture obsessed with bright and shiny, it’s an act of civil disobedience to befriend the dark.
Jung’s invitation is to allow the dark emotions to transform us. It strikes me that this may be why we invest massive psychological energy into avoiding the unpleasant feelings that stir deep inside- the dark emotions hold great power and energy. And we feel the weight of responsibility to wield the energy with care.
Anger, rage, depression, hurt, shame are all forces that can shake up the foundations of our lives. They are urgent embodied signals that long to be expressed in order to enact changes in ourselves, our relationships, and in our world. They are the seeds of revolution. And what might happen if we felt the full force of them? Would they gobble us up for dinner? Would they destroy someone we love? There is wisdom in restraint. But, when felt fully, these forces can transform us.
“Dark emotions are urgent embodied signals that long to be expressed in order to enact changes in ourselves, our relationships, and in our world. They are the seeds of revolution.”
Tis the season for transformation, after all. Revolution. Change. Resistance. Behind the lights and gifts of Hanukkah and Christmas, both have political and spiritual revolutions at the heart of their stories. We deny ourselves the opportunity to grow when we avoid the unpleasant feelings inside us, or the unhappiness between us. Are the “negative” feelings and thoughts calling us into deeper waters of personal transformation or rebellion?
But also, I welcome the cheerful spirit when it occurs and joy when it surprises because, well these are also transformational forces. And because sometimes whistling in the dark is a means for staying alive, and that too, is a rebellion.
Talk soon,
Schuyler